How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
