I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
