i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
