Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
