Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
