just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
