im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
