508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
