I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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