I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
