"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
