Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
