Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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