somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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