I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
