1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
