We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
