So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She even gives head with a lisp.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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