$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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