she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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