the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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