I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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