For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
