life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
