Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
