Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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