Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
This house was built for laser tag.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
