So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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