I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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