I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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