Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
