Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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