What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sext me about skeletons
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
