I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
