Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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