Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
