I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
