i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
