turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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