I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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