I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
