You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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