dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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