He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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