I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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