i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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