tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
