i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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