So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
