So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
